Today is October 12th, and yesterday was my birthday. Getting old isn't as bad as painful joints, wrinkles on my face, neck and body and not being able to see (or hear) like I once did. Birthdays can be a time to reflect and see where we are headed as well as where we have been. To hell and back is where I have been...so now, where am I going. I have not made a 5 year plan for a long time, as I don't know WHERE it IS I want to go! I want to go and visit my (X) brother in law in Germany. I want to travel. I want to have a man friend to travel with, go to a movies with and laugh and even cry a bit with. I want to write my book, for Katherine. (and hopefully get published). I want to get a JOB and get some MONEY. I want to be able to actually SPEAK Spanish...not just kinda understand it. I would like to be able to forgive myself for getting married so young, and not waiting to choose someone who would be mature enough to be a husband and father. (are there such men??) I want to forgive my X husband for not being the guy I thought he was. I want to forgive my parents for not being the loving, supportive, parents I really needed. These people are who they are, and being hurt and angry only hurts me.
So for the next year, this is what I will do: Work for 1/2 hr a day on my book (at least). Every day forgive the people who have hurt me, until it stickes. Talk to my brother in law and see if he will let me come and visit in a few years. Look for a job to make some money. Not just a nursing job, but any job. Smile and meet some new people, maybe even a guy.
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